The Blessing of God’s Presence

A year ago on the anniversary of my mom’s passing. I wrote how I held onto Psalm 34 and all of its promises when grief felt fresh and painful. I vividly recall sitting at my computer, tears flowing as I tried to string words together to articulate what it felt like to experience another anniversary of her death. I selected Psalm 34 that week because it reflected the reality of my heart: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18, NIV).

A year has gone by again, and what I’ve realized has been a blessing. Much is the same: I miss my mom; yes, she’s still gone; yes, the holidays still feel empty without her; yes, I still fondly recall talking to her on the phone and long for more conversations. But what’s not the same? What is different is how I’ve come to know God’s nearness during it all.

People ask me, “How are you doing?” And whenever I answer, my response surprises me slightly. There is healing. There is redemption. There is growth. But above all, there is a knowledge of Jesus I’m still wrapping my heart around that I’m not sure I would have experienced if I hadn’t walked through this season: Jesus’s presence in the valley is a blessing.

That sounds crazy, I know. Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not happy my mom died. Of course I miss her. But what I’ve gained from knowing Jesus more intimately throughout this season have become the greatest treasures on this earth.

Psalm 34 became my anchor last year. This year, I’ve spent more time in it than ever before, and there are truths David sings that I understand on a deeper level now. David penned this psalm after feigning insanity in front of King Achish to save his life. “Victory!” is not exactly written all over that situation. 

But during David’s circumstances, he declared this: “I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.” (Psalm 34:1). At all times. Even when life is like a valley and difficult to experience. Even then, we can praise God because God himself is the blessing, regardless of our circumstances.

I’ve seen God’s faithfulness throughout the last year in ways that have brought me incredible joy:
- In that moment when I randomly remembered my mom’s laugh and tears suddenly flowed, but this time with more joy than anguish
- In hearing scripture come alive in my heart with truths I’ve read a many times before, yet which speak directly to my current situation
- In that inexplicable peace that passes all understanding when I can’t put into words what I’m feeling, but I know it’s God because there’s no other way to explain it

Writing that devotional last year was an act of faith. I had to believe God was still good in the midst of my grieving before I could truly write those words. But today, a year later, I can say with even greater faith: God’s word is sufficient. God’s presence is real. And experiencing God more deeply is worth it all.

Here’s what I want you to know if you’re going through a season of loss (or any hard season):
God isn’t going to simply carry you through the valley. God is going to meet you there with a depth of presence that makes the valley itself holy ground if you truly in your heart seek and surrender to God. The Jesus who cried at Lazarus’ tomb understands your pain. The same Jesus who raised Lazarus from the dead welcomes you into a love that cannot be stolen.

My mom dying hasn’t changed, but something in me has. And I don’t want to ever be the same. I want my faith to grow. I want my hope to be strengthened. And I want to experience the reality of Jesus’s presence more than I ever have before.

I’ve known these things to be true for a long time, but spending this year in the valley has deepened my understanding of each of these exponentially. This isn’t a slogan or a platitude that’s true for some of us. This is reality for all who believe. Jesus could not love more if he tried. And when we understand that concept, our grief softens just a little because we know Jesus can handle it. He understands it, and he has victory over it.

“Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.” — Psalm 34:8 (NIV)