The Longing of Our Hearts

Hannah’s story in 1 Samuel chapter 1 is filled with grief, longing, bullying, and suffering. A man named Elkanah had two wives: Hannah, whom Elkanah loved, and Peninnah, who had many children. Peninnah bullied Hannah for her lack of children. Jealousy between Peninnah and Hannah made for an uneasy household. Hannah lived with longing, with grief over her body’s failure to carry a child, with suffering inflicted by her rival. Such feelings may be familiar to you. I know they are to me. 

Hannah’s grief is hard to name because it comes from her longing rather than a specific loss. Grief that doesn’t seem to have an obvious cause and is therefore not openly acknowledged or validated is called disenfranchised grief. People grieve for many different reasons: lost jobs, broken friendships, unmet expectations, pets, changes in our lives or the world. Hannah grieved for the child she didn’t have and for the shame inflicted on her by Peninnah and the community. 

Ultimately, Hannah got exactly what she prayed and longed for — she gave birth to a son, Samuel. But Hannah’s value doesn’t come from the way her story ends. Hannah has value in her own right, with or without a child. We are important to God just as we are. Peninnah couldn’t see Hannah’s worth, but God did. We can name Hannah’s belovedness, and we can name our own belovedness too. 

But what about those of us still in that place of grief or longing? What about those who pray and pray, and the prayer goes unanswered? Did God love Hannah more? Was her prayer somehow better? No. God loves every person unconditionally. God is with us always. God weeps with us when our hearts break. 

Many people have sat and continue to sit in grief, hope, longing, and uncertainty — the Israelites enslaved in Egypt, communities facing daily violence or war, someone waiting for the doctor to call with the test results, persons struggling against racial and economic injustice. In the face of life’s adversities and harsh realities, what do we do when we don’t receive the longings of our hearts? Do we stop praying or hoping? No! We learn to live in the in-between. We figure out how to stay grounded in our faith and in God’s love and presence. 

There are lots of ways to learn to live with the beautiful and the terrible in this world. Here are some practices that might help. Feel your feelings. Cry, yell, sigh, write, paint, draw, sing, dance. Do whatever you need to do to safely express your emotions. Talk about it. Talk to God. Talk to a therapist or other professional. Talk with family or friends. Join a support group. Do something. Our physical bodies need release too. Breathing exercises and moving our bodies can ground us. Find ways to serve others or advocate for causes you believe in. These can connect us with others who share our convictions and also bring change to the world. Above all, trust that God is with you when you are hurting, hoping, and longing. 

I wish I had a magic formula to make the longings of our hearts come true. I wish I could say that it will be okay. In truth, it might not be. But I have faith that we are not alone because God promises to be with us. 

To those who, like Hannah, are longing to be parents: you are seen. You are loved. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You are enough. To those who are longing for healing or a specific event, for transformation or belonging, for something only you know: you are seen. You are loved. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You are enough. Whatever your longings or griefs are today, may you know that God is with you. May you know that you are loved. May you remember that you are a beloved child of God, always.

Questions for Reflection:

1. Read 1 Samuel 1. What parts of Hannah’s story speak to you today? What is God saying to you through Hannah’s story?
2. What are you praying and longing for right now? What practices help you cope while you’re waiting for an answer to your prayer?