It’s chilly and rainy this Sunday morning. Not even the aroma of freshly baked pumpkin muffins and coffee could lift my spirits today. The weather seems an appropriate backdrop to the day that I’ve dreaded for a while. On All Saints’ Day, we remember the people in our church family who have died during the last year. It is always a solemn and meaningful service, but today at church, I was devastated when I saw your photo fill the big screen. I heard the pastor read your name as your candle was lit and a bell tolled. Even knowing what to expect, I was overwhelmed by the stark reminder that you are gone.
Many years ago, when I was the chair of the worship council at church, I asked you to make a special banner for All Saints’ Day. You built a tall T-shaped frame from thick dowel rods, and I attached long, wide white stain ribbons with small bells sewn to each ribbon’s end, one for each person in our church family who had died during the year. When the prelude music stopped, the banner was carried into the sanctuary in total silence, interrupted only by the soft, tinkling sound of the bells. It always gave me goosebumps, remembering the saints who went before us.
Now you are one of the saints.
Though our church’s rituals around All Saints’ Day have changed through the years, I hold dear the sacred sound of those bells filling the silence. In fact, when you died, I gave each family member a small bell to ring as we recessed from the sanctuary into the narthex at your celebration of life service.
Today I drove home from church and put on my favorite jeans and sweatshirt. I sat in front of the fire and listened to the haunting melody of Pie Jesu as I reflected on how this day was both heartbreaking and comforting at once. It seemed God was trying to tell me something. This, my beloved, is good grief.
Missy Buchanan, an advocate for older adults, is an internationally recognized author and speaker on issues of aging faithfully.
This post is an excerpt from her latest book, Feeling Your Way Through Grief: A Companion for Life After Loss.
If your church celebrates All Saints Day, what feelings are you experiencing as the day grows near? In what ways are you living in the tension that could be described as good grief?
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