Not Forsaken

I was sitting in the cramped seat of a minibus as we swayed along the road to the university teaching hospital where I studied. My heart was heavy with sheer disappointment. A series of life-altering events had left me feeling abandoned by my heavenly Father. I felt God had let me down. Self-condemning thoughts also spiraled through my mind: How dare I be mad at God over my adversity?

For a long time, shame kept me from conversing with God. Then I was reminded of Matthew 27:46, where Jesus cried out on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” At that moment, he too felt abandoned by God. This scripture helped me realize it’s okay to feel disappointed with God. This revelation brought me back to a place of intimacy with God. My feeling of self-condemnation was replaced by an assurance that God was not displeased with me for being mad. God did not orchestrate the bad breaks in my life. In the middle of my pain, God was there.

God remains good, even when life is not so good. My disappointment was replaced by certainty that the setbacks were not the end of my story. Just as Jesus felt utterly forsaken but ultimately was resurrected and rose victorious, so would I overcome the adversity in my life.