Going Forward

I enjoy rock climbing, and one aspect of climbing that fascinates me is that in most cases a person learns the sport from a mentor. Climbing is an artform passed from person to person and one generation to the next in much the same way that a skilled craftsperson might pass on their knowledge to an apprentice. Your mentor is a better climber than you are and teaches you the rope systems and other techniques that are necessary skills for climbing competently and safely. Your mentor is someone you trust and depend on. 

I’m now at the point in my climbing journey where I know what I need to know and can climb without my mentor at my side. When I started climbing, I thought this moment would feel like the pinnacle of achievement. I would be full of wisdom and confidence and feel nothing but joy and exhilaration at my accomplishment. But as it turns out, this has not been my experience. Without my mentor, I can become anxious and have a hard time trusting myself. I no longer have someone to turn to if I find myself in a tricky situation — climbing is full of them — high on a rock face. 

Did the disciples ever feel this way following Jesus’ ascension, when Jesus was no longer with them? When did it finally sink in that their teacher was gone and that Christ’s mission was theirs to carry on? Who would settle disputes among them? To whom would they turn with their questions, and who would lead them going forward? Were they anxious or weary from recent events? Did they feel abandoned or confused? Did they wonder who was in charge? Could they sense the challenges that lay ahead? 

There will always come a time when we don’t have the teacher, preacher, leader, parent, or coworker that we’ve relied on, and the only way to move forward is by our own knowledge, grace, and skill. It’s not hard for me to feel the joy of the disciples at Jesus’ ascension (Lk. 24:52), nor is it difficult for me to imagine an equal measure of heartbreak and loss in the ensuing days. I can see the disciples pining for the clarity and assurance that Jesus’ physical presence would have offered them. These feelings are normal. And the good news is that they can lead us toward growth. 

We use euphemisms like “being pushed out of the nest” or “stepping out on our own” to describe the experience. But these phrases can be trite and empty. It’s more like standing at the edge of a cliff and looking down into the swirling mist. A former colleague always closed his emails with the phrase “we go forward.” I had never given those words much thought until recent events — a new phase in my own life of peering into the mist — reminded me of them. Maybe they’re the advice and encouragement we need when we are on our own and don’t know which way to go. Maybe forward here isn’t a direction at all but an attitude — the courage to keep going even when we don’t trust ourselves, the faith that God is with us even in the mist, and the reminder that our capabilities extend far beyond what we give ourselves credit for.

Questions for Reflection:
1. When have you had to “step out on your own”? What challenged you most about this experience? What invitation for growth did it offer?
2. Name some people in scripture who did not feel adequate to the task that God was calling them to. What do their stories teach us about ourselves? What do they teach us about God?
3. Imagine that you had been with the disciples in the days immediately following Jesus’ ascension. What do you think you would have been feeling? In what ways might the future have appeared uncertain? Where would you have looked for signs of hope?